And Katie Kerr gave us a good tip on how to get your day started successfully: "Every morning I challenge myself to a donut eating contest. Every morning I win." While we fully support donut-eating, we're not so sure about Twitter user Mila's advice: "If watching tv in your panties while smoking a joint is wrong, then maybe they shouldn't have couches at this Best Buy." We can't decide if we're scared or excited to ever take a trip to Best Buy now.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Gentleman, when you "like" a porn star's photo on Instagram, it shows up on my feed and bums me out. Screenshot that shit and move on. #PSA
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) January 29, 2014We've all been Taylor Swift thinking she won a Grammy, except there weren't millions of ppl watching in that doctor's office waiting room.
— Nikki Glaser (@NikkiGlaser) January 28, 20142014 is shaping up to be the year we took a bunch of meaningless quizzes and then announced it publicly with zero shame.
— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) January 28, 2014I like how in romantic comedies, the best friend is only concerned about the hot chick finding love.
— Cristela Alonzo (@cristela9) January 27, 2014LA is like a giant dorm. Just saw a girl wearing pajama pants and slippers in a restaurant like it was a goddamn dining hall.
— Jamie Lee (@TheJamieLee) January 25, 2014For the past two weeks I've accidentally been drinking decaf coffee in the morning. Life makes so much more sense now.
— Jo Lammert (@thisisaJo) January 29, 2014Relationship status: sending out announcements for the food baby that pizza and I are expecting.
Little Caesar is due to join us on July 19
— Jayne Wright (@jaynecomplains) January 29, 2014If watching tv in your panties while smoking a joint is wrong, then maybe they shouldn't have couches at this Best Buy.
— Mila (@Milariou) January 27, 2014I've spent the last hour laying on my couch watching Food Network screaming "THAT'S NOT ENOUGH CHEESE, YOU PSYCHO" so yeah, dieting is fun.
— The Alicianator (@leechee420) January 29, 2014I think I want to be a Stay At Home Person
— Lindsay (@quintywinties) January 29, 2014Strange how men say "before Twitter I didn't know women could be funny" but no women say "before Twitter I didn't know men could be sexist."
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) January 30, 2014I eat a lot of things just to get rid of them.
— Li'l Edie Surly (@JennyPentland) January 29, 2014Yeah my resume is in Wingdings. Well, I didn't want your stupid job anyway.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) January 27, 2014Every morning I challenge myself to a donut eating contest. Every morning I win.
— Katie Kerr (@KT_Kerr) January 31, 2014I wonder if mannequins in the windows of bridal shops ever wish they were mannequins in the windows of feminist bookstores.
— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) January 31, 2014If they made "I Know What You Did Last Summer" now it would be like, duh, of course you do, I posted it all on Instagram.
— caprice crane (@capricecrane) January 31, 2014Prince is suing his fans for using pirated concert footage. Meanwhile actual pirates are suing Prince for using their shirts
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) January 27, 2014An email from parents: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: Obama's a Muslim
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 27, 2014A drop of roof water hit my face and I reacted like it was liquid herpes.
— molly (@Molly_Kats) January 26, 2014You can always tell what someone's teenage years were like by how they take girls bras off now
— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) January 30, 2014"Oh my God I can't take another minute at this computer."
[Gets up from computer]
[Checks phone]
— Suburban Snapshots (@SuburbanSnaps) January 30, 2014